Where’s Mark?

Last nite at Scum of the Earth we talked about Giving Generously. I have always struggled with any sort of consistency with giving to my church or other good organizations. I’d even say that I’ve struggled with finances in general. But I am getting better at managing things but have a LONG way to go.

We took a look at 2 Corinthians 8:1-15 last nite. This was a letter to the Macedonian church that was basically Paul talking to them about giving. He was happy that they had come such a long ways from before (talks about this in 1 Corinthians) but also to encourage them to work on other areas in their life.

I guess that’s where I was touched the most. The lights were dimmed last nite towards the end of service and it was a time to reflect on our own lives and truly be honest with ourselves. I mean if you can’t do that then what good are you? That’s how I felt about it anyway. So I was talking with God and He told me that although I may be doing some things well I definitely need to be more obedient with my finances. The speaker than nite talked about how it doesn’t really say “you should give 10%” to your church. But rather, especially in this passage of scripture, it talks about giving generously, which normally means above and beyond that or for some people perhaps not that much.

Giving generously can be different for everyone. I really think God wants us to really make sacrifices when it comes to serving Him. That can be your time, how you love others, your attitude and of course your money. I struggle with all of those things from time to time. I am lazy, I don’t really feel like being “loving” all the time to the homeless I see (or anyone sometimes) and as I said before I’ve never been consistent enough with tithing and giving offerings. I need help in a lot of areas

But isn’t that what life is really all about? The Bible talks about how following Christ is a journey. It never says anything about it being a race where you just try to get through it in order to get to the next life. But its a slow process where we learn as we go.

My Tattoo

During that quite time I keep thinking of “Always be a Living Sacrifice” and that is why tonite I decided to get that tattooed on my left wrist. I wear a ONE bracelet to support the cause to end poverty but getting something etched into your skin is, to me, the ultimate way to remember something (anyone seen Memento?). I was truly moved by the Holy Spirit on Sunday Night and I never want to forget how I felt and what God showed me about myself. When I’m not in the mood to be nice, like when I’m in a hurry or something stupid, or when I’m thinking about spending money on something that doesn’t really matter or anything else that I know isn’t really benefiting anyone besides myself, then I want to really think about it, and that’s why I got the tattoo. Now, its perfectly fine to indulge yourself, but for the most part I really just want to help make a difference. Truly make a difference.

That can be anything! I’m volunteering my time to help out with Scum of the Earth’s website and other things! My new job is so nice that I can work on other things too as I have a lot of freedom with that. So if I can over haul Scums’ website and make available (and easier to find) cool and helpful resources then that would hopefully make a difference in people searching for answers on various things.

The speaker also talked about how the 10% thing may not be a “sacrifice” for everyone. 10% for someone making 200K a year isn’t as much as a sacrifice as someone making 20K or 2K a year. So he challenged us to look pray and look inside of ourselves about that and how much we should give. That also struck me.

These are all definitely good things not only for the good of my church, but also to help out other good organizations. I guess I just challenge anyone that reads this to look inside of yourself and just talk to God about what you can do. It can be as simple as donating some of your time to Habitat for Humanity, help fold chairs after a service or vacuum, or giving more time or money to other worthy causes.

My problem was I just wasn’t doing a whole lot of anything and it was a nice reminder on Sunday night that there are lots of things that I can do. Now with my tattoo I shall never forget that

Here’s an epiphany that I had after (and during) the Haste the Day show last nite. Its a conversation with an offline friend that I hope you get something out of like I did again just now re-reading my thoughts.

Here it goes:

haha this will sound lame but God moved me during a tv show! here’s what i was typing to your “message box” of AIM, i guess they store them now

rockin in wi (2:00:34 AM): both guessed 22ish

Offline IM storage is full.

**i then just emailed my friend from there and it continues below**

but tonite during Haste the Day God just re-instilled that bringing me out here and playing with these guys is all about Him and the music that He has given us. its not about me or my fears about what people think about me or whatever…its about reaching out to kids and just doing what God has required of me. tears are still welling in my eyes because I’m just so enamored with just trying to do what God wants of me. i’m such a sinner sometimes. God will speak to me and I’ll just ruin things. i hardly know what to do with myself. but somehow throughout all of this God still cares and His purpose for me stands strong. Despite how retarded i am God still wants me to do music in a big way and all i can do is try to serve him better the next day.

i guess that’s all i’m saying here. don’t give up. don’t just let satan walk all over you with food and you losing weight. that’s been the same thing for me but just substitute my stupid fear stuff for yours. its all the same in God’s eyes. and he equally has amazing plans for you. you are a tremendous human being and i have always known that God is going to use you for ridiculous things. i know for a fact that we share the same desires to really be what God wants us to be, no matter what that looks like. its different for everyone and i’ll continue to try and help you figure that out if i’m needed.

man its 2am and i should go to bed although i know i’ll be laying in bed for awhile at least. but really…shouldn’t we have these epiphanies more? don’t you think that God really wants to speak to us like this everyday? gosh i love Haste the Day. i truly feel something different with them than when other bands are playing. plus they are just effin sick! but God’s presence is definitely all over that band. that’s what i hope Something Worth Fighting For can be like. we’ll see where and how God uses us.

anyway my lovely i hope your day is brilliant and that God just continues to show you more of Himself like He did for me tonite.

i love you and may our beautiful savior put a smile on your face that the rest of the world can enjoy.

-mark

Three weeks ago I talked about quitting my old job. I’m so glad that I did! There are definitely no regrets and it was easier than I thought. I originally worried for no apparent reason…isn’t that how it normally goes? You pray and pray and pray some more that you are doing the right thing. Then human nature kicks in and you think that its going to be really hard to get through it. That’s definitely what was happening here. But God is all-knowing and all-powerful and I’m just glad that He knows what He’s doing:) Quitting my job was the best thing to happen to me professionally and I definitely don’t have any regrets.

Later that week we had our CD Release party. Wow! Simply wow! We headlined this show and had over 250+ people there! I’ve been to a few Caffeinated Coffee Presents shows and never ever seen that place that packed! Other people I talked to said that that night was by far the best turnout they ever seen! Goodness! How good is God?  We had almost 100 CDs for that night and I think we had 2 when we started playing! That is ridiculous. Everyone, all the bands, venue owners and a few fans, loved us. Saying how amazing we were and some were surprised that that night was only our second show. That means so much to me. When things like that happen I always go back to what my beautiful mother told me before I left “Markie (she’s the only one who can call me that and live ), don’t be surprised if you move to Colorado and God has something else in mind for you!” Well so far the band thing has definitely been a pleasant surprise! I mean I wasn’t really expecting this to be this good.

My last band had an eighteen year old guitarist and he was pretty good. So I just thought that playing with this youngsters would be around the same as playing with Chad back home. But man I was surprised from the first chords played by these guys! I was just blown away. I was like “You guys want me to play with you?” and once we ironed out the new members things really started to take off!

Isn’t that the way God is though? I mean he takes these savages of men and turns them into Godly and holy people. He took fishermen, tax collectors and other “normal-nothing-super-special-about-them” types and used them to really bring out God’s glory and to serve His ultimate purpose. That definitely makes me appreciate everything so much more when I think about that.

From Ashes to Beauty is the name of our EP and how perfect is that to describe God’s love for us? He takes our rags and turns them into riches. He takes all of our imperfections and molds us into what He wants. He only asks for a willing heart. I guess that’s why I love God so much. No matter what I’ve done or the sin I will commit in the future, He still loves me just the way I am. And if I keep searching and try to learn more about Him, He promises to take care of me. No one else can promise that. No job can fulfill me as much as doing what He wants me to do.

I’m slowly and surely learning more about Him and what I need to do. The band is definitely a big part of that for me. We are planning a summer tour and will be going to Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Chicago, Peoria, some places in Indiana and Arkansas too! I’m starting to work that stuff out and already getting bands that love us and want to do anything they can to help! It sure sounds like God wants us to do big things with Something Worth Fighting For.

I know that this is only the beginning…and I’m just so grateful for my band mates. They have really been a family away from family. We are all like brothers and we’ll just see how far everything goes. But it sure will be nice playing music back “home” and I’m just anxious to see how everything else pans out. None of this would have been possible if I had just been too afraid to trust God with everything and move out here. I’m glad I didn’t just stay in Appleton for the sake of staying. Instead I trusted God and now I’m starting to see what He had in mind to begin with…

So this past week has provided some amazing news with the band. We finally found a new bassist and hence a place to practice. Three of us looking for a house ended up not working out. So it was definitely a blessing when our new bassist, Dom, said we could use his garage to get our musical freak on. Things are definitely coming together quite nicely with that. We are getting tighter and tighter and tentatively have our studio time setup for the weekend of December 15th. So I’m really hoping that that’s going to work out.

I’ve also been talking with an increasingly good friend in Steve Hetland, now of the amazing metal band Still Remains,  and he said that they’d put a good word in for us at Road Runner Records. So we are all definitely excited about that possibility. Plus I’ve been talking with my friend Josh from Peoria and he offered his place to stay for us because we are thinking about maybe trying to get in on the Cornerstone festivities this year. So we are hopeful that some of things will fall our way.

I was talking with my friend Jeremi this week about all of this and we just talked that its great to have dreams and aspirations. I know people who would rather just stay where they are and never pursue their dreams. I’ve known people like that my whole life. I even was that person for some parts of my life. But I think God really wants all of us to be dreamer in His own way. I mean God may call you to this or that and you need to be ready for it no matter what it is exactly. My mom told me several times “Markie, don’t be surprised if God has other plans for you besides just moving out to Denver for a job!” Well mother does know best! That’s why I think its awesome, as I mentioned last time, how craziy things have happened like playing with Something Worth Fighting For.

Who knows really what’s going to happen. But isn’t that the exciting part of life? Just working your tail off to put yourself in a position to be used by God in a powerful way. I know that there are a lot of things I need to work on to be ready, but God is already seemingly putting us in a pretty good position to bring a positive message. We have a lot of contacts around the US and so that definitely helps us have those 4 – 6 hour long practices and bonding time outside of music too. (We prefer annihilating one another in online shooter games).

So are we going to sign with Road Runner Records and tour relentlessly with our heavenly rock? Who knows. But I like to think that God has big plans for us as long as we do the things He’s called us to. I really think we have a pretty good chance of doing some special things. We are recording in about a month and from there who knows! I’m just excited, as always, to be along for the ride.

I must say that tonite I had a wonderful time at the Guy’s bible study from Scum of the Earth. But first I’ll back up a wee little bit.

Last nite at Scum of the Earth church was extremely splendid. Tim spoke last nite on Worship. He talked about how some people try to “pump” themselves up for worship. Think of the movie Saved where there is this ridiculous guy yelling “Who’s down with J.C. and G.O.D.?” Tim showed that clip and talked about how we can see through all that fakeness and how unreal and cheesy it was. He then talked, more importantly, how to STIR your spirit. He mentioned that there were three things that can help one to stir their spirit. First we looked at Psalm 103 and broke it down with remembering what God has done for you first off. We are so sinful and undeserving aren’t we? I mean we screw up on a daily basis and constantly fall short of where we want to be or feel like we should be. So that was an easy one for me to relate too.

Second he said think about what God has done for the community or people around you. Man I have seen God do some amazing things with my friends and family. I’ve seen my good friend Trevor get married to a great girl and its great how they both kept themselves for each other. That, especially in this day and age, is really a big deal. I’ve witnessed healings, tons of salvations and I could go on and on with what God has done through my old church regarding the Saharawi people of the Western Sahara desert. So that point Tim made really made sense.

Finally remember what the character of God is like. He’s not a God that wants us down. He’s not a God who wants to see us depressed or lonely or anything like that. He wants to be all for us and He’s definitely all about us and always thinks the best for us, even though we eff it up all the time.  Tim then showed a clip from Les Miserables (I <3 multi-media teachings) where the released inmate stayed with a bishop and his wife. In the scene the inmate ate with the family and later fell asleep. Then for whatever reason decided to steal from the bishop and slapped the bishop to the ground when he was discovered. The next day the soldiers brought the inmate back to the bishops’ house for questioning. They said that he had stole from the bishop and that the inmate said that the bishop GAVE him that stuff. Well the bishop said that he did give him that stuff, but that the inmate forget the silver candlestick holders that were the most expensive! So those were given to the inmate as well and he was free to go.

Isn’t that what Christ has done for us? I know that I have done so many bad and hurtful things that I care to remember. But what gets me going is hearing stories of redemption that this inmate had. That inmate later when on to do great and wonderful things and turned a lot of people around. I really believe with all of my heart that we are all destined for greatness. It makes no difference what we have done. There’s this beautiful quote by George Elliot:

It’s never too late to become what you might have been.

I love that quote. I think that’s what God thinks of us and tries to prove to us over and over again. The great thing is that He never gives up on us, no matter what we have done or said or broke. He doesn’t care about that.

So when this amazing harp player started playing during Reflection Time last nite tears whelled up in my eyes as I began to think about all that God has done for me, especially over the last year. I thought about all the stupid stuff that I’ve done and my heart grew warm with how God reacted on my behalf, much like the bishop. I then began to pray for Christina as she’s really going through some rough stuff. But God, as He always does, comforted me in the fact that I’ve been where she’s been before and that God saw me through that and will see her through things as well. So its just great having someone so close by when you really need it.

That’s how tonite kind of felt like. There were 7 of us really digging into Jacob’s life as part of these character studies that we are starting. It was awesome just hanging out in the REALLY big and sweet house by the City Zoo off of 23rd and Vine. I really needed that tonite and am so glad that I went. Really great group of guys and tons of good things to think about with Jacob’s life and really just breaking down his life step by step. It was cool too that I already knew a lot about him because of my bible study group back home. But now we are getting just more into his life which is pretty cool too. Seeing how God used Jacob, a big time deceiver, and groomed him for great and amazing things.

That’s a great message for anyone to hear.

Until next time, Mark’s journeys continue…

Whew, I definitely need to blog more. Seriously. But I’ll start with some things that I have learned recently.

I was reading in Luke 5 today and came across this passage that really hit me:

 4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down^[b] the nets for a catch.”

5Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” 11So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

You know what? I don’t think we really know what it is to be “blessed”. Seriously, tomorrow look in the mirror and ask yourself if you know what it means to be blessed. The disciples didn’t even know it. Simon definitely didn’t know it. But he trusted. He may not have known what it was exactly he was trusting in, but God saw his heart.

That story is so touching. Simon obviously tried doing things his way before and even told Jesus that he tried catching fish earlier but to no avail. But all Christ wanted was for Simon to just trust.

Lately I have found that to be my case too. Leaving the comforts of familiarity, family, friends and church to a place that I’ve always thought and dreamt of. It hasn’t been the easiest of times, the most comfortable with everything of times, but I know that this is where God wants me to be and its an incredible peace. Goodness is the best way that I can describe it.

I am terribly blessed. Tears almost come to my eyes because I have battled with God over my decision to move out here. I’d keep asking God when? When? Now, no wait longer, how about now..now…now…n-n-now? Now? Are you sure?

As I told my wonderful friend Dave earlier today, I finally have more of an understanding of what it is to be blessed. I’ve not even been here 3 weeks and I am already in a wonderfully fun rock band. We are called Something Worth Fighting For.

At first I wasn’t in love with the name. But it continued to grow on me and even moreso today with my revelation of being blessed. With the unintentional “cheesy christian moment” I must say that that title is utterly perfect for striving and pursuing God. All of creation knows that I’m not the perfect person. I struggle with lust, finances, being kind and loving and am pretty much worthless on my own. At times I don’t feel like myself, but that raging flesh of a man who the only thing he wants is to go toward sin. That man knows how he’ll feel when its over, but he doesn’t care. Who does that? Who touches a hot stove after knowing its going to hurt and blister when you get burnt? Who walks into the middle of traffic during rush hour without first looking in each direction? No one with sense does. But we all do it and it sucks. I don’t know where I was going with this thought, but I am reminded of Simon again. “Go away from me Lord, I am sinful man!” Don’t we all feel like that? We all feel that we’ve done WAY too much harm to ever be loved or blessed. But that’s the exact opposite of how Christ makes us feel. He has no interest in our sinful life, but just wants us, like Simon, to simply trust Him when He prompts us.

That’s really all that we can do. Its so simple that it goes against every thought in my head. How can something so beautiful and blissful be so simple?

I don’t have all the answers and I don’t even know where all that came from or know if it even makes sense. But I guess I’m just trying to say that although times get rough and you hardly know anyone…just hang in there. I guess that’s more for me than probably for anyone else who bothers to read my stupid blog, but all I know is that I’m just excited to be alive. I’m thrilled to know a God who cares for me and is always looking out for me despite all the times I eff up.

I’m just amazed looking outside and seeing the mountains. Driving around is even more amazing as different parts of Denver give you better views. There’s just something about them being there, even when you can’t see them, that puts a calmness about my heart. I think that the same can be said of God.

Well we are going through the Pure Series at Crossing at Christ the Rock church. Brian Fries taught this week on how we can get overwhelmed by things going on and instead of running to God we run to other things. Overall I thought the topic was good. But while others were figuring out what they run to instead of God, I began to feel God really challenging me to get into His word period. I don’t really feel like I run to anything instead of God but that I really needed to make a difference in how I live my life in general.

So Monday morning started a new day and I am off to a great start. I woke up at 8:15am (instead of my normal 9:15am slumber time) and cracked open Ephesians. I absolutely love that book. (I plan on writing more about each passage that I read and what I learned from it).  I also started working out to my Turbo Jam workout video. Make fun of me if you wish, but it definitely works. Then you can stop me in the street and admire my six pack while I gaze upon your keg and you can beg me to lend you my workout DVD.

Today feels even better than yesterday. Its a crazy thing to ponder when I feel the way I do now and wonder why I haven’t been in God’s word (for a long time) before! I feel myself lusting, getting angry, worrying about stupid stuff a lot less. Its wierd how 2 days can make such an impact if you allow God to truly work in you.

Before I would worship God in my car and at work whilst listening to David Crowder or Delirious or even some Hillsong stuff. But I was never diligent on really getting to know God more intimately. While I was in Africa last July I never felt so close to God before. Partly because there wasn’t a lot to do during the day, I found myself in the Word almost everyday and even multiple times throughout the day. I loved it. But that was short-lived.

I think when we start getting back into the awesome-spiritual swing of things then we truly start seeing life as God does. The reason I’m not sinning as much is because God’s purity is infiltrating me in a way that is clearing out all the junk that builds up in there. So I just want to encourage anyone that reads this to allow yourself to be taken away with God. Yeah its not easy sometimes making the time. But I decided Sunday nite that I was going to set my mind and heart on learning more about Gods. Actually waking up these past 2 days has been easy too! So its just as easy as that!

Give it to God and you’ll be pleasantly surprised about how you see your world.